I find it a bit harder to watch the Winter Olympics than I do the Summer Olympics, especially when it seems so much nicer there, weather-wise, than it does here. I find that one of the major problems for me is just plain ignorance. I can relate to swimming, baseball, basketball, track and field, etc. during the Summer Olympics. The Winter Olympic events, however, just do not compute for me. Let me explain:
- Alpine skiing – Too long and too cold.
- Biathlon – Shoot at something when I am exhausted? Not so far in my life.
- Bobsleigh – Closest thing to a childhood pastime, but still looks awfully dangerous.
- Cross-country skiing – I don’t look forward to cross-country DRIVING!
- Curling – What weekend college party led to this sport?
- Figure skating – Can’t skate, let alone make figures.
- Freestyle skiing – This probably WOULD describe my skiing if I actually skied.
- Ice Hockey – Right. A hard, rubber puck flying around my head and body while I am NOT skating because I can’t – SERIOUSLY?
- Luge – Claustrophobic, speedophobic; dangerous-phobic; chicken-phobic – GOT IT?
- Nordic combined biathlon – I can’t comprehend a sport where I only understand one of the words.
- Short track speed skating – I would like this if I COULD skate because it always appears to me that you can CHEAT your way to victory!
- Skeleton – Huh? This is what eventually you become if you stay in this sport too long.
- Ski jumping – Sliding board maybe; with snow and ice on it and 300 times longer – nah!
- Snowboarding – Jump on one FAT ski and do gymnastics. What planet are these people from?
You may notice, if you are a Winter Olympics elitist, that I did not mention slopestyle, mixed parallel snowboard slalom, halfpipe, or mixed-relay biathlon (do they shoot at each other?) I didn’t mention them because I don’t know what the hell they are!!
And that’s really not the worst of it. For me the hardest thing to relate to is putting on those skintight outfits. That should be an Olympic event – Donning the Outfit. It would be far more interesting than cross-country skiing. Unless, of course, once again, I was the one doing the “donning”. Not so interesting and no chance at GOLD!!
ABOVE THE EARS (SOME MUSINGS)
1. Should the goal of an interviewer be to make the subject cry? Christin Cooper went way too far to drain the emotion out of US skier, Bode Miller, after his third place finish in the men’s Super G. She was relentless in her questions about the death of Bode’s brother. Shame on her.
2. It has been a long time since I watched a sporting event with the excitement of the USA’s hockey win over Russia Saturday morning in eight overtime shootouts. The drama was riveting and gut-wrenching. They may meet again for the gold. Don’t miss it.
3. Did it cost Russia $7 billion, as Putin claimed, or $50 billion, as Russian officials claim, to put on these Olympics? Would Putin lie? Does he want the names of those Russian officials?
4. Unlike the Summer Olympics, there is a scarcity of prominent black athletes in these events. I can only think of Shani Davis, a US speed skater. Is it the type of sport exhibited here or does this deserve further sociological research?
5. Now that we have crowned League and Conference champions, phase three (regular season and league championships being the first two) of the basketball season takes center court this week leading to the District XI championships for boys and girls on February 28 and March 1. Come along with us on RCNTV.
