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I just returned from vacation. I was on a cruise. My wife and I love to cruise. There’s plenty of great food whenever you want to eat, high-level entertainment, comedians, bumping cars, rock-climbing, surfing, simulated sky-diving, and beautiful weather. You wake up when you want; a room steward cleans up your room and bathroom three times a day; and there is even a spot on the ship away from all children to relax by the pools and hot tubs. So what’s NOT to like?
I’ll tell you what’s not to like – Cruise ship television!
There are @ 20 channels to watch – five or six are for children, 10 are basically cruise ship commercials selling jewelry, tours, and future cruises. One channel simply reminds you to constantly wash your hands by playing a consistently annoying song and one channel is a live shot of the front of the ship (I’m not sure why). That leaves MSNBC and FOX as a way to get any news and ESPN for “sports”. The problem is all sports are SOCCER!! That’s right, soccer. My room steward thought it was a nice gesture to leave soccer on our TV every time he finished up his work in our room.
But I do not like soccer (apologies to all the soccer fans). I have just had too many bad experiences over the years with the game. As an example, allow me to relate to you my very first soccer broadcast:
In the summer of 1975, I received a phone call from the station manager of Twin-County TV asking me if I knew the game of soccer. I surmised, since this was the middle of summer, he was asking because we were going to do some local youth soccer. Who else played in the summer? So I said, “Yes”. Truth be told, I had never actually watched a game of soccer – oh, I knew that the object of the game was to put the ball into the net and I knew that did not happen very often, but that was the extent of my “Futbol” knowledge. I was told the game was the next day and it was at Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia.
It turns out the station acquired the rights to do the Philadelphia Atoms games. The Atoms were part of the North American Soccer League, the highest professional level of soccer in America and I was going to do the play-by-play of a game I had never watched. To add to that pressure, the opponent was the New York Cosmos and that night after the game they were going to sign Pele, the greatest soccer player of all time, to a contract. He was there and interest in this game could not have been any greater.
Being a teacher, I decided to take the advice I gave to my students – before taking on a task, do your research. I went to our high school library and took out all the books they had on soccer (there were no computers yet). There were three. I was also teaching speed reading at the time so it was not hard for me to devour the three books, take notes, memorize position responsibilities, and do my best to understand the rules. After a day and a half of study, I left for the Stadium confident I could get through this.
When I got to the Stadium, I was led to the press area where a nice full-course meal was served. I talked to some of the reporters about the strengths and weaknesses of both teams. Twenty minutes before the LIVE broadcast I ventured up to the booth on the 50-yard line. Leather reclining chairs were there for my comfort.
However, discomfort set in as soon as I was handed the starting lineups. When I left my house, I knew positions and their roles. When I got the starting lineup, the names of the positions I had learned had changed. Except for the goalie, every position had a different name. Defenders became fullbacks, wing-backs and sweepers. Forwards were now midfielders and forwards. There were wingers and strikers. What there actually was – was confusion. I was lost.
I did the game; did the best I could. When I finished, the owner of Twin-County came on the headset and in his heavy Chinese accent said, “You do god job! You do good job!” I figured he didn’t know anything about soccer either.
I could tell you more career soccer horrors (15 overtimes that took 6 ½ hours to play and still ended in a tie; a 1 ½ hour pre-game due to a youth preliminary match that would not end; a high school game with green numbers on a green shirt that were impossible to distinguish, etc., etc.)
So no one was happier to return to the RCN TV lineup than I was on Saturday. Cruising IS wonderful; cruise TV is not!
ABOVE THE EARS (SOME MUSINGS)
- Finally, after all the hype, predictions, and recommendations, the NFL draft is this week starting on April 26 at 8:00pm on FOX. We will finally find out where Saquan Barkley will play. The Eagles have the 32nd and last pick of the first round and not again until the 30th and 32nd pick of the fourth round.
- I will continue to remind you to keep your eyes on Shohei Ohtani, the Japanese sensation, who is now part of the LA Angels roster as both a pitcher and hitter. He is currently hitting .342 with three home runs and 11 RBIs and is 2-1 with a 3.60 ERA. He’ll be fun to watch all season.
- With all the talk of speeding up baseball, someone needs to talk to San Francisco Giant first baseman Brandon Belt. He had a 21-pitch at bat on Sunday, fouling off 16 two-strike pitches. The time at the plate – 12 minutes and 45 seconds. It is believed to be a record. By the way, he lined out to right. He later homered in the game.
- The NBA playoffs are mean, nasty, and ugly. I thought hockey was vicious, but the NBA may be getting worse. The saying now should be, “I went to a mugging, and an NBA game broke out.”
- Next week’s blog will be guest-written by our basketball nut, John Leone. His blog will relate to anyone who grew up playing basketball on the summer playgrounds. It’s terrific reading.
